5+1 reasons why you gain weight when you get into a relationship

5+1 reasons why you gain weight when you get into a relationship

Have you ever felt that as soon as you got into a relationship, the pounds started to creep up on you? Even if it's a regular pattern in your life, or if it's only happened once, you're in the right place. In the article below, I'll discuss 5 possible causes of this phenomenon. At the beginning I'll talk about the completely trivial causes, but towards the end of the article we'll dive into the deeper issues. I will use my own example to explain the cause that nobody likes to talk about. Stick with me and see where you should operate if you are in similar shoes.

  1. Because your lifestyle has changed
    After moving in, you will naturally have to adapt to a different person, which will bring changes to your eating routine. You may now be cooking for a real "man" who likes Hungarian food, which is obviously what you'll be eating instead of simpler meals. Notice how your eating habits have changed and try to correct them. A little awareness can do wonders.
  2. Because you are happy
    Yes, one category of emotional eating is "happy eaters" . You're happy, you're soaring, you're enjoying life, the flavours, the stimuli. There is no pressure, no stress, so you eat. Depending on the degree of weight gain, it is worth addressing the issue.
  3. Because eating relieves tension
    Eating is so good, right? Even the most unpleasant situations can be survived in the company of delicious snacks. That's why going out to a restaurant on a first date is a popular activity. Eating together can give you something to talk about even in the most awkward situations, and if the date is really messed up, the food can still be good. Of course, further joint meals, ice cream and coffee can also tip the scales.
  4. Because eating replaces what is missing
    There is nothing wrong with the previous point. The problem starts when this coping style creeps into your relationship without you noticing. I had a partner with whom I could not connect at all. I obviously didn't notice this, I wasn't really aware of the situation. However, after a while, eating together became more and more valued. The more shitty the relationship became and the more emphasis was placed on delicious snacks.

    I tried to cook well to express my love, and increasingly meals became the centre of our lives. It was the excitement, it was the stimulation, it was the happiness to be trusted. No doubt the pounds crept up with it. And with the weight gain came less intimacy, so we were further apart, but closer to food... you understand, right?

  5. Because you can finally let go
    I talk a lot about negative motivation, and this time it could be him. If you're only looking out for yourself because only slim girls can have a good relationship, then as soon as you get the guy, you'll feel like you've accomplished your goal and let go of the reins. This is a very common pattern, but it requires all the more attention. Basically, you need to get your relationship with food, exercise and lifestyle right. Trust me, it's worth it. Finally we get to the deeper issues, are you still with me?

    +1 Because you rape yourself
    Now we come to the part that nobody likes to talk about. Let me give you my own example of the reason why I gained up to 20 kilos when I got into a relationship. This is going to be a bit strong, but I later realised that I gained weight in a brutal way in the relationship because I was raping myself on a regular basis. I use that disgusting term on purpose. My boundaries were not drawn, but how could they be drawn if I had no idea who I was?

    The thing is, I've lived most of my life in a mask. I was building up, "myself", reacting to life's events. I was playing ice queen, when inside I was a traumatised, anxious, weak, scared person. Well, that was hard to realize, it didn't take me 5 minutes...

    I didn't realize that in a relationship I was so afraid of not being good enough that all my decisions were driven by a desire to conform. I do everything to prove to the other person that I am valuable and good enough. And deep down, I have raped myself, in the worst sense of the word. I have constantly given up something, compromised, in order to be loved by the other.

What does it look like when you rape yourself?

When the other person tells me that they wouldn't like it if I went out and I convince myself that I don't like going out. When he asks me to go out with him, and I don't feel like it, but I go because I don't want to hurt his feelings. When I don't feel like having sex, but I do because he does. When I don't want to eat pasta, but I do because that's what he prefers. It's all about me grinding inside, not doing what's really good for me because I'm lying to the outside world. And this can happen several times a day, for years.

This contradiction caused me a huge internal conflict.

This behaviour causes so much stress deep down that I obviously start binge eating because I have no other way of coping. The worst part is that these processes are all unconscious and repressed. Obviously you don't feel it and you don't see it, it's just happening to you and you don't know why, but you eat, you gain weight...

But what then?

If you're in a relationship and don't understand why, but you're gaining weight relatively quickly, it's time to take the plunge into self-awareness. Question yourself.

  • Who am I?
  • Am I really in my place?
  • What internal conflicts am I struggling with?
  • Can I be myself?
  • Can I draw my boundaries?
  • Can I say no?
  • Do I really decide sometimes, or do I do something to please the other person?

It's not an easy journey, but once you start, your life will change.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, because in such cases an outside eye, a professional,
can help a lot.

Thank you for sticking with me, see you again, as this topic is not yet finalized!

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